What the Blog

Over it
Current mood: lethargic
Category: Life

I am sick and tired of covering for D's ass, I am sick and tired of working 15+ hour days 7 days a week, I am sick and tired of being nice to clients because D cannot seem to return calls and lies to me about it, lies to M about it. I fucking hate the constant bullshit and fucking hate having to listen to it! I am sick and tired of D's bills being paid and mine and M's bills being put on hold because she just WILL not drop it. I am sick and tired of all the sinde fucking remarks from D's sidekick A towards M. I am sick and tired of D saying to me, why dont you come over or hang out with me, but cannot understand that I DO NOT feel welcome from A. Sometimes I hate my life - today I do - sometimes I wish I never came back here and it is more and more that I feel like that and it is because D blames me in her fucked up warped mind that it is my fucking fault. D thinks I took M from her because I work all the time but will not concede that if I didn't work like that she would not get paid, she is nasty to me and M. And I will not be like her and act towards her in the same manner she acts towards me. So what the fuck should I do? Do I move away again? Do I get another job? Do I let my whole fucking family down? Do I let my boyfriend & his family down? Should I go back to school and learn something new? I am at my breaking fucking point and I am fucking LOST and I am DEPRESSED and I fucking HATE ALL OF IT. I have a constant headache, my stomach constantly hurts from the amount of asprin I consume, I do not eat and I cannot sleep, but I still cannot seem to just walk away from it all. I attempted to walk away for 7 years and swore I would never move back, but here I am in Knoxville once again, am I going to go crazy again and have to leave? Or is it going to be better this time around? I am starting to think that maybe leaving again is going to be the answer, but that is NOT what I want to do, but D is pushing, no not pushing, shoving me with all her might and strenth away from it all. I am fucking sick & tired....of it all.