What the Blog

So my life has suddenly taken an interesting turn. A few weeks ago, I started talking to this guy through yahoo & then on myspace. He seemed like a very decent and nice guy, and I gave him my number, basically throwing myself out there. Now I have to say for the last 2 years I have not had any kind of a serious relationship, and the last one I did have was more of a joke than anything. There was once a man in San Deigo who I loved and was engaged to, he broke my heart because his first love was not me, but the alcohol that he consumed. I was with him for almost 3 years and watched him kill himself a little everytime he took a drink. I ended up leaving him in the end, but as my best friend for life would say, I at this point became jaded about love. So for the last 4 years I have guarded myself and have kept any men that have managed to come into my life at arms length and never let anyone get too close to me.

Now suddenly I have met another man, someone who is decent and has pirorities and goals and knows what he wants, and it has all become very clear to me, I have missed love and have missed sharing it with someone. I have only known him for a short time and one part of me is screaming "what the hell is wrong with you, keep your distance" while the other part of me is screaming just as loudly "maybe he is the 'one'!" I do not know what to do, or how to think. I am terrified of letting myself fall, I am terrified of not letting myself fall into the abyss of love. I am terrified that he is going to see me as this silly girl and think to himself that I am not what he is looking for and that I am not what he wants. I am torn and I know what I should do and that is walk away and see if he runs towards me, but I cannot and will not do that, because I am drawn to him and do not know how to handle it. I feel like a lovestuck teenager and for once in my life, I feel truly happy about the current turn of events. All I can do is wait and see if he is the one that I am meant to be with, because now I see that maybe there are soulmates out there, and maybe I found mine.....

I felt compelled to write this and share my feelings with my closest friends. I love you all.

T.