What the Blog

Today I feel like I have all these strings attached to me.  They are once again pulling me in different directions, there are strings around my hands, my legs, and of course around my neck.  I metaphorically being drawn and quartered....  

I have my family on one side, friends on another, work is in there too... Decisions decisions, what to do, what to decide?  I am moving this weekend, I am in a rock and a hard place with a waterfall trying to drown me...

I love my job, I am exhausted, I got a promotion, today is the end of day 7 of 9 in a row, then I will have one day off and then will work the next 12 days in a row...This is because of the promotion and me being stubborn and not wanting to give up my overtime on the weekends, its all good, I can handle it.

Moving is a great thing, my sister gets her garage & room back to start preparing for baby number two.  I am so happy for her I could burst.  I'm moving in with my friend Deb in a cute little mastercraft style house from the 1920s, its yellow with a red door, I love it, and shes Italian, and snarky and a complete nerd and it will be great.

Ahhh but once again, the other shoe dropped with my personal life.  I knew it was too good to be true and it was.  Now I am in flight or fight mode.  I need to talk to you Andrea, can you hear me? Do you know I am talking to you, do you still hear me on the plane your in?  I am in so much pain on the inside, and all I get when I talk about it is that I have to stop thinking about you, so I stopped talking about you to my family, because they don't understand.  I need your advice, I need your snarkyness, I need you to answer me someway, somehow, reach out, you were the puppet master and you still are.  I feel you around me all the time, I feel like I should just be able to reach out and touch you, but when I do your not there.  I can handle anything but this losing you, its so fucking unfair!  Remember our pact? I was supposed to move to FL if it didn't work out with me and Jason, and it didn't and then you were gone, it was too late, I should have just moved down there like we kept talking about, and I will regret to the day that I die that I didn't.  I lost months of time with you because I just couldn't take that plunge and walk away again and move from TN.

This is one of those rambling blogs, so I apologize in advance.  I also found out in the past week that my grandmother has breast cancer.  I feel numb and hurt again, this is too close too soon since you Andrea, please talk to God, the Goddess, Allah, and everyone in between and tell them I am begging them for it to be not bad, that shes going to be Ok, I don't know if I lose the both of you in a year.

I'm hurting.

Till Next Time
T.